Goodbye Mr. President

 Dear President Bush:

 Congratulations on your victory over all us non-evangelicals.
Actually, we're a bit ticked off here in California, so we're leaving you. 
California will now be its own country. And we're taking all the Blue States
with us.

In case you are not aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington,
Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois, all of the North East
States, and the urban half of Ohio.

We spoke to God, and she agrees that this split will be beneficial to
almost everybody, and especially to us in the new country of California. In
fact, God is so excited about it, she's going to shift the whole country at
4:30 pm EST this Friday. Therefore, please let everyone know they need to
be back in their states by then. God is going to give us the Pacific Ocean
and Hollywood. In addition, we're getting San Diego. (Sorry, that's just
how  it goes.) But God is letting you have the KKK and country music (except
the Dixie Chicks).

Just so we're clear, the country of California will be pro-choice,
pro-gay marriage, and anti-war. Speaking of war, we're going to need all Blue
States citizens back from Iraq. If you need people to fight in Falujah, just
ask your evangelical voters. They have tons of kids they're willing to
send to their deaths for absolutely no purpose. And they don't care if you
don't show pictures of their kids' caskets coming home.

So, you get Texas and all the former slave states, and we get the 
Governator and stem cell research. (We would love you to take Britney Spears off
our hands, though. She IS from the south, right?)

Since we get New York, you'll have to come up with your own late
night TV shows because we get MTV, Letterman, the Daily Show, and Conan
O'Brien.  You get... well, why don't you ask your people at Fox News to come up
with something entertaining? (Maybe you should just watch Crossfire.
That's a really funny show.)

We wish you all the best in the next four years and we hope, really
hope, you find those missing weapons of mass destruction. Seriously. Soon.

Sincerely,
California